Shunning

I'm usually up during the night and subsequently be snoring by daylight. I get to catch up with the book I haven't finished yet, with the TV series I am so behind from. I even get the chance to start new shows to watch. And now, I can't stop.

I'm stuck at home. I barely touch my phone. Almost 24/7 online, I still got nothing much to do. I may be missing school during these days - the classroom, the wild laughs everywhere, the coffee breaks, the professors, the subjects which are dragging me to hell. I miss my friends. Holidays don't excite me, ever since.

I know the drill by now. I should. I'm hating this today but I know that by the time I get back to the real game, I'll be wanting for these days to come, for summer vacation to arrive. Crazy, just plain crazy.

I haven't gone out for like a week now. I didn't even get out during Christmas day. I miss coffee and the shop. I miss my life outside the walls of our house, if one can call it that. But, this is good. Staying indoors and enjoying long hours of the night with no worries. Keeping away from being so occupied helps. It's like my own way of recharging my whole system. So by the time I step into the outside world again, I'll be equipped with full battery.

Lone Chair

I've been passive for a whole month in updating this site. Second year in college is being too time demanding. It's really hard to buy some time alone and take a look inside me. Tonight, I suddenly felt the pang of emptiness. I honestly do not know why. Seriously, I really don't remember the last time I felt this kind of feeling. I have been very overwhelmed with what has happened since the last time I did write.

I am happy, yes. With my lot, I can ask no more. Yet, there are moments, like this one, when I feel so alone. Moments when I long for people whom I wish were with me. Moments when I am a nobody.

During this kind of situation, I feel like breaking down. But I just can't. I know there's something out there enough for me to hold on. I'm sad with no particular reason. I'm feeling empty though I have never been filled up. Weird, isn't it?

Just Like a Coin

An investment has been banked yesterday. A venture on which each of us gave our share. Another experience has been deposited in an account where no one can ever get a cash-out.

Friday. Classes ended before 3pm. Ate late lunch at a fast food chain nearby. Went back to UST and waited for the sun to set. Sat in a bench behind the main building, conversations started, talking about anything we have thought and seen. We, then, transferred to a much more comfortable place (behind the fountain) with real chairs and a table. The sun has finally set. An indication of finally calling it a day. But, I was wrong. The splashing sound of the fountain, the cool wind caressing our warm bodies and the wide variations of street food seem to glue our asses on our seats. From making an eruption of laughter because of very cheesy and hilarious jokes and stories up to the most painful and sad story we have shared, this is, indeed, a night of extremes. Having heard polarized stories in the same night, the friendship we have built of just over a year has reached the next level.

In a circle of friends, it is not always happy. It is not always about the ecstatic happenings in our lives. Just like a coin with two sides, life with friends also include the problems, pressures, depressions we can't help but encounter. Oftenly, it is when one is in his most depressed state will he know who his real friends are. Last night bonding with friends made me realize that they are really the ones to keep. Life is unpredictable. It has its own twists. After enjoying the upside with the heads in tossing the coin, now it's time to chase the tails.

TRADE-OFF

Seeking advise from someone who has not yet been involved in an intimate relationship? A friend of mine just did it... to ME.

We've been friends for three years now, I guess, and it is not the first time she sought love advise from me. Being the inexperienced in this field, it is really kinda bizarre comforting and encouraging someone based on plainly NOTHING. But, what the heck? It is worth the try.

And so they broke up. She left my friend (who happens to be a GIRL, also). She left her the time when she had found another one. She left her when my friend was finally ready to equate her love with the affection she has given her.

When my friend and I had the chance to talk, she is ready to move on. Leaving the past behind, she wants to enjoy being single and pamper herself until the right one comes along. But, moving on is kinda rough on her as her ex-girlfriend still doesn't want to lose communication. How worse can it get? Being left all alone and still living with the shadow of someone you have loved. Escaping is not an option, it is a weakness. The more you escape the ghost, the more it will haunt you.

Let all the pain hit you until it doesn't hurt anymore. Cry. Drain all the emotions you're feeling towards the one who destroyed you until you don' feel anything for them anymore. Witness your world as it crashes down in front of you but, DON'T EVER GIVE UP. Learn from mistakes and treasure experiences. Do not let solitude overwhelm you. Until you got over with your past can you begin your present and subsequently, your future. You may have lose her, but you've gained more. Sometimes, losing someone is the way so you can welcome someone better in.

These are thoughts I have said to her and I will say over and over if I had to. Harsh some of it may be, but if that would help her move on, then so be it.

come **AND** go

Life guarantees nothing. Well, aside from paying taxes and death, that statement's quite reasonable. Nobody's gonna stay with someone forever. People come and go, as they say. And hell yeah, that's just the way it is.

Today, I've learned that a lot of things will never be the same as before. It all started when I went online and a friend buzzed me up to check on the UST website for our new sections. Reshuffling really sucks for us from the very first time we've heard of it. I didn't think it would hit me this much, but it did. Though reshuffled, I'm still in the same section and same room. Only big differences are my schedule, subjects and the people I'm gonna share that very room with. Those in my messenger list were rapidly going online as the news spread. Sadly, most of my closest friends will be staying at the opposite end of the hall. Some more bad news attacked us today. Another two friends of ours are on the verge of not enrolling this week. One is going to the US before the first semester ends and the other one is transferring to UP. College life isn't like high school that friends matter more than studies. In this level of our lives, people we spend the library hours with, people we eat whatever and wherever with and people we talk about anything with are just consolations of the hard work we're putting up to make a better future. What matters most, in this stage, is our career in the future. But, it really feels bad to see someone who is a part of me, in some way, to be going away. These consolations I've got are somehow the reasons why I still strive in and survive college life. They are the ones who experience the same struggles and triumphs with me. They are what I am.

So, in its purest nature, people really come and go. We meet someone, stay in and touch our lives for a while and then they're gone. We can't help it. There are always unescapable reasons for them to leave us. Memories are what we always got left from them.

How thankful I am that these consolations I have have COME into my life. How desolated I will be to see them GO. How wishful I am to see them stay at **AND** and never leave.

OVERKILLING BOREDOM

Thank God it's May. School time's coming closer. On the 27th, I'll be enrolling for my sophomore year. I really can't wait for the semester to start and be back with my friends (though we're reshuffled, ugh!) and the professors (really!). Of course, I miss the school environment and the non - stop pile and loads of work to do. It's a little weird, I know, to find someone missing the last stuff I've mentioned but I think, it's better to have shitloads of reading materials and problems to be solved than to have nothing to do at all.

Since I was a child, I don't look forward to summer vacation. I usually have sleepless and nostalgic nights. I also hate the heat of summer. I don't go swimming. On the bright side, vacation gives me time to pamper myself. No worries of school requirements and deadlines, I get to enjoy anything I want to overkill boredom. Killing it is not enough (brutal, huh).

How do I do it? Here are the things that keep me busy:

1. TV Series

a. MONK - a story of an obsessive - compulsive detective who solves crimes in his own ways.

b. Desperate Housewives - revealing the lives of housewives living in Wisteria Lane.

c. Grey's Anatomy - showcases experiences of interns who later became residents of Seattle Grace Hospital.

d. The Tudors - a look behind the glamor, war, love and betrayal on England.

2. Books

a. Eclipse - third installment of the Twilight Saga.

b. The Five People You Meet in Heaven - a story of a man who died and met five people in heaven who disclosed everything that has happened when he was still alive.

c. Angels and Demons - prequel of the book, Da Vinci Code.

With a month left for the vacation, these are the things which keep me busy aside from going to the mall, sleeping and of course, blogging. Right now, I'm still finishing Angels and Demons which I enjoy. Can't wait for the movie on the 15th.

Quitter

Last blog was about what happened in the 16th of April which turned out to be my last day of training. Yeah, it's only my sixth day and I decided to quit. Don't wanna wait for the company to kick me out so I thought of leaving.

It seems to be an ungrateful gesture for someone who's just starting in the real world like me. I might be a little too pessimistic with the work I'm doing, but that's just me... Always expectin for the worst scenario. Besides, dealing with people who really need the job made me realize that I'm different from them. They applied for this because they need it while I did because I want it. You know that there's a vast difference between the two, don't you? I even uttered to them, in one of those days of my training, that our work shift (3pm-12mn) is like the hours I spend out and loud with my friends. Saying that was so inappropriate, I believe so. I was just playing around while they were on to the real game. This thought, the difference I'm feeling, somehow became the main reason of my decision. I was a premature lad for the real business world. My uncle's right, I guess, for telling me to focus on my studies first. Still have three years in school, better not rush things, best to enjoy what you have at the moment. Guess I should just relax this rainy summer and prepare for the real thing come June.

That's it, folks. Summer job's over. Got at least a week allowance from it (hehe). The only thing I need to do for the remaining month of vacation is how to kill boredom.

ALMOST...

[I wrote this last 16th of April at Starbucks while waiting.]

On the verge of losing hope, I randomly got this call which, at first, excited me but, really made me sad in the end.

Sixth day of training... Still, I got no leads yet. Basically, leads are prospects who are liquid to invest and are willing, ready and able to take a call back from one of our Senior Analysts. So, I cautiously and politely conversed with this I-thought-you-are-a-lead man. He seemed to be interested. Yeah, he seemed to be. He answered the questions I threw him except the money question. Well, he was an investor before. It's just that he did not want to talk about money on phone. Then, it all shattered. My would-be-lead hung up on me.

I tried every way I know and learned from the training to salvage the conversation. But, it did not work out. I almost got it! I was about to take hold of that paper to scribble on the lead's information then hand it to my supervisor. But, it all slipped away. The thing I was dying to have for the past six days had gone.

Right now, I'm contemplating if I'm still gonna continue this. I am not really on the game but I'm having a taste of it. I really don't know if I can do it after what happened. Should I stay behind and quit??

Taking Advantage of the Rain

20th day of April. Yeah, it's mid-summer and I hate it, really. As usual, I woke up after lunch. I have spent the whole night (and early morning, also) watching Grey's Anatomy. Really wanna catch up with the latest episode. But, today I'm craving for something other than watching...

Such a gloomy day, I thought. Clouds are gray and heavy. Roads are wet and sloppy. As I peaked through the window, I saw people walking holding their umbrellas up sparing them from dripping. While the King Sun is resting behind the mountains and his rays aren't visible, it's the best time to go out. Taking a bath did not last too long as compared to what I had the past weeks. As I have said, I'm craving for something aside from almost 24/7 sitting in front of my laptop. I want to read a book. After I have finished Eclipse (Twilight Saga's 3rd book) last week, I am missing those moments when you must generate your imagination at its best and prepare your dictionary (I use online) for the what-the-hell-are-that words. First thing that came across my mind was Angels and Demons since the movie adaptation is dated to be on the silver screen 13th day of next month. I went to Midtown (Robinson's Place Ermita) coz it has National Bookstore and Power Books (aside from I so miss the place). Setting my mood into reading, I went inside Power Books and sat down there for some minutes while taking a peek at a book about the English-speaking maid named Inday. That's really a good one. Sadly, the book I am meaning to buy was at the time, sold out. I, then, sought for the latest Bob Ong's book but, it's also sold out. How sad. I still have another option - National Bookstore. I went there after learning that the books I'm looking for at Power Books are not available. Customer Service... I asked the lady if the books I'm looking for are available. Her answer is no.

I still got the spirit, the drive and the energy to look for that books (any one of those will do). Desperation, you may call it. It's mid-seven in the evening and the rain has not stopped yet (it was not that hard, though). I took a cab headed to SM Manila. My hopes are still up as I got nearer the mall. As soon as I got inside the mall, I went straight to National Bookstore. And, crap. The books I want to buy are not in the shelves. Customer service... Both are not yet available. But, at the back of the lady, I saw Mitch Albom's books. Tuesdays with Morrie (done!) and For One More Day (done!). Then, I remembered that specific book I am borrowing from Tami (college friend) which she still has not found yet. I asked the Customer Service lady if The Five People You Meet in Heaven is available. In less than half a minute, she handed me the small book. I don't want my taking advantage of the rain to be in vain so I bought the book. Besides, I really am fascinated and curious with that book for months now. No regrets. I still have so many days to buy the books that I haven't bought today.

Now, the rain has stopped. I think King Sun is ready to shine again tomorrow. That outpouring in the middle of the summer is not just one hell of a rain. It, somehow, gave me (hope the others, too) the chance to go out and enjoy without being exposed to its rays and get crappy perspired all over. I believe, you can see now how much I hate summer.=))

The Inexperienced

I entered this new world basically, with knowing nothing. In the heart of Makati, 22 storeys up the ground, I stayed in a room where a coven of strangers sat side-by-side of me with a non-resident who manages this world I am now into. I was not feeling any good as I do not have any single damn idea on what was I supposed to do. Seeing the blank faces of everyone in that very room, I barely knew one. I was alone. As the evening approached, we introduced ourselves to each other. And... DAMN! My heart raced so fast while the pressure started to run through my system. I was youngest... The only inexperienced in the batch. Everyone else in the conference room have had call center jobs before. They know what it feels like to be taking calls and talking for 8 hours to people from the other side of the world. I felt a little discouraged, at first that I thought of quitting even though I have not started the game yet.

Surprisingly, my first day of training went on in a blast. I got to read my spiels in front of everybody which kinda boost my confidence enough for me to come back the next day (LOL). Though while reading, everything seemed to be blurry. Good job, the non-resident manager said which really made me somewhat ecstatic and excited.

As I was heading back home, I say to myself that this is really something worthwhile and challenging to do over the summer. We were sent home ahead of time, so I arrived earlier. 'Twas quite a good day as I called it one after feeding my eyes on a downloaded beautiful movie.