Opportunity Cost

In economics, I learned how to maximize one's utilization of resources and how do risks could lead to negative or positive returns. But above everything else, as I embark on my last year in finishing a degree, economics has taught me that in life, you can really never have everything. There are always trade-offs. And opportunity costs.

Opportunity cost, as defined, is the resource you have to give up in order pursue another one. Let's say, tonight I wanna go to the cinemas but I gotta study for my Econometrics exam tomorrow. I cannot afford to fail the exam so I need to set aside my plan of seeing a movie. Here, the opportunity cost of passing my Econometrics exam is going to the cinemas. This is a very relative concept, yes. Someone’s opportunity cost might be a necessity to others.

We always look into the brighter side. And most of the time, we care less about the things we have let go, of the people we take for granted. How does it feel like to be the opportunity cost? How does it feel like to be 'unconsciously' forgone by the one you have been holding onto?

6-4

Ok, so now I'm getting depressed. Yesterday, I told myself that I gotta start to stop. Start to stop what? Because of the recent turn-outs in my fucked up interpersonal discourses, I thought to myself that I need to stop giving too much bullshit to people who apparently does not see me and appreciate what I do.

I don't usually say this but I guess, I will now. It hurts. It's like I've been snatched of my spotlight. I've been hit. So hard that I can't even get up. Worse part is, no one even tries to grab my arms and help me get back on my feet. It's just sad to realize that after all the things I've made, sacrificed and taught, I still end up being the one in the dark.

I may have this almost indestructible wall around me, but it's all there so I would know who cares enough to destroy it. And you know, what sucks the most? To realize that you don't even give a shit to break that wall.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas everyone!

So, I made this greeting image out of boredom during the Christmas eve. I sat beside our humble Christmas tree with my digicam ready and took a couple of pics. Then, I used the Photoshop trial my friend installed in my laptop to put on the text. I really don't know how to use it so I just clicked and typed and clicked! So, there. May you have a blessed Christmas!

Happy birthday, JESUS!:)

Una

This is my first attempt to express myself in Filipino. Thanks to my course, Retorika, I'm forced to do the same sh*t every single day.
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Habang halos sinisira ng malakas na musika ang aking mga tenga, ako ay nakaupo dito sa gitna ng bulwagan ng isang malaking gusali. Tanaw ko ang mga bus na unti-unting napupuno ng mga taong pauwi na galing sa isang mahabang araw sa trabaho. Ang mga tao sa aking paligid ay walang tigil sa paglalakad galing sa kung saan man at patungo sa kani-kanilang destinasyon. Samantalang ako ay nakaupo lang, inaaliw ang sarili sa pakikinig ng musika habang hinihintay ang aking mga kasama para sa isang pulong sa ikalawang palapag ng gusaling kinaroroonan ko.

Unti-unti akong kumalag sa realidad at hinayaang lumipad ang isip. Ano kaya ang itsura ko kapag tuluyan na akong nakapasok sa mundo ng mga propesyunal? Magiging tulad kaya ako nitong isang dumaan sa aking harapan na mistulang nilamon na ng pagod at pagkabalisa? O maging kagaya ako ng lalaking kakalabas lang sa gusali na animo'y walang iniisip na problema sa trabaho at laging nakakatulog ng mahimbing? Mabilis kaya akong yayaman? O tatanda ako na wala man lang maiiwang karangyaan sa aking pamilya? Masuwerte ako na kahit isang estudyante pa lang ako, kahit papaano, ay nasisilip ko na ang mundong naghihintay sa akin paglabas ko ng unibersidad. Hindi na ako makapaghintay. Gusto ko nang dumating ang araw na lehitimo na akong nagtatrabaho.

Biglang nawala ang musikang tumulong sa aking magdala sa gusto kong kinabukasan. Nawalan na pala ng baterya ang iPod ko. Bumalik na ako sa realidad. Kinuha ko ang aking telepono. Naku, huli na ako sa pagpupulong.

In a Labyrinth of Thorns

I am in a maze. Yes, a maze of bullshits and what-nots. It led me to a single crossroad. Twice. Went into one direction that made me thought it's the right way. Turned out to be not. Went the other way which is riskier but freer. Thought it would eventually end up fine. Yet again, it turned out to be not. Really, one can't have everything. Those who strive to achieve it often end up with nothing.

Still, this is a maze. There are a lot of other crossroads, shortcuts, loops. But, this is no ordinary maze. I am in a labyrinth of thorns filled with luring vultures and plastic bags. Vultures who fool those who they think are of lesser creature than they are. Plastic bags which sways wherever the wind takes them. However, few good people run across me sometimes and help me break free from being bloody stuck in thorns. But, most of the time, I've got no one else.

Now, I run. I don't care if I'd be wounded by all the protruding thorns on the way. All I'm careful about now are the draining vultures and the wandering plastic bags.

And, I don't hide.

F.U.

All is well. At last. I know I have been too harsh with all the things I have said before. But then I told you that that's just the pride talking. I've overpowered that egoistic side of me and humbled down to keep things back on track.

I am in a roller coaster ride when it comes to friends. Just as how all other things are, there are certain ups and downs. And some loops and twists. I never knew that a simple "Bati na tayo." would close and end all the misunderstandings for the past eight months. No more heavy feelings whenever I see her. No more judgments on what she does. No more bitching around to piss her off.

I always thought it excruciating, but I stood corrected. Patching things up was easier than I thought. Though I am not yet in the mainstream of this revived friendship, I know the path is heading that way. I'm good with everyone now. That's what I feel, at least. You see, I am torn around three groups of friends who seem to have different mantras in life. And I would like to keep it that way as I don't want to impose anything on them. I am happy this way and so they are (I hope).

Buried in almost unending papers, reading materials and equations, it helps to be at peace with everyone. All the gratitude I give to those who have been patient with all of my eccentricities. And surely, better days are so ahead of us.

Dawning of the Dusk

I went out to grab a coffee. I missed this - sitting in a couch all by myself. Weird as it may seem, I craved for some time alone. Away from everyone. But, why did I crave? Why did I need to do this? It's because I felt I have been deprived of it. It's like I have been grounded.

Night has fully reigned as dark clouds covered the sky. Gloom was gradually taking over me. Contemplating for hours, I still cannot fathom why things went the opposite direction. What went wrong? Who had gone too far?

Maybe I was more of the problem. I mean, I was the one who has all these exaggerations. It was my mind which over-thinks. Maybe, the only wrong they have done was to give me too much. I grew up skeptical as I was not used to be the taker. Being the subject of overflowing attention and care was so new to me, I can't keep up.

When I realized that everything has been over the top, I felt the urge to run. It was a bit too selfish, I know. But, I felt as if I was slowly drying up. I felt lost. I felt compromised. My world has been limited. It was like I am caged. I needed to free myself.

Too much of anything is bad. That's one of what I have learned in this experience. I was like too drunk from drinking too much wine. Things may last even before you thought of it ending. I grew tired already.

What you don't have, you can't give. I do not have so much love in me. I grew up receiving too little. So, as I mature, it became natural to me to fence out and not take what some give me.

We're good now. But, of course, we're not the same as before. One of my crazies has gotten the best of me.