Desiderata

As a requirement to my LIT 103 class, here is my own DESIDARATA:

Accept life as it is, an impermanent world of cause and effect. Expect no magic. Live everyday as if it were your last and make the most out of it. Avoid idle moments.

Appreciate people around you. Love your family. Treasure old friends. Welcome new ones but be extra cautious. Find your own somebody who will be there always beside you.

Be honest in everything you say or do. A guilty conscience is an intolerable load to carry.

Defy mediocrity. Be the best that you can be. Challenge yourself. Never settle for just okay. Give your all to things that you do. Risk. Be open to new opportunities and possibilities.

Listen to yourself. Give yourself some time alone, away from the noises of this worldly life. It is nourishment to both the soul and the mind. Determine your outlet of emotions but make sure it is not harmful to anyone.

Rant NOT!

Yes, I am an Economics major. But since I'm enrolled in a college which is centered on arts and humanities, I am required to take up 12 units of Literature class, three units per semester. I am cleared with the six units which left me with two more terms full-packed of reading materials, sublimity and what-others. Modesty aside, I enjoyed just a little of my Lit classes though I'm a big fan of reading and obviously, writing.

For this academic year's first semester, I am taking up a full-three hour class every Monday with a professor I honestly don't like. Everything is just too overdone. From the gargantuan pile of reading (which I can withstand *for now) to the very obsessive - compulsive house rules, fillers, grade sheet and MEA CULPA late forms. The last time I checked, I am in my junior year in college, not in third grade.

Enough of this shit. I don't have any option to escape this course, anyway. Dropping isn't an option, it's just cowardice.

So, the reason for this entry is not to rant. I am to write my own desiderata in reflection to that of Max Erhmann's. So, what are my most desired things?

Maybe the next post will contain them. As of now, my mind's processing. It's a bit slower after uploading a lot, I mean A LOT of shitloads of world literature.

IN LIMBO

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. Does it really do? What if, in the middle of all the missing and longing, the feeling just melted away?

I'm just being nostalgic over a friend who has been with me in our own transitory periods. I can't help but feel neglected after spending at least a half and a quarter of my vacation with her before entering the world where I am in right now. It was a-little-more-than-friends-but-less-than-lovers type of a relationship. A very special friendship, indeed. What happened, then? I don't know, honestly. Our communication just stopped. I tried reviving it, though, but to no avail. Maybe, we're just both busy making progress in our lives. But, is one day of chatting over a cup of coffee too much to ask?

Hasty things last shorter than we expect it to. We were super friends in a blink. And in a snap, we're I don't know. Is hanging on the right thing to do? Should I wait a little longer?

I'm losing the reason to hold on. Yes, I have friends who I barely see now, but still, I feel inside me that they are here with me in spirit. There is like an invisible thread keeping us tied to each other. But this one? It's like that critical line has been fully cut.

I am in the middle of nowhere for quite some time now. It's like I'm longing for nothing, missing for no one. In that notion, should I keep myself in limbo and hope? Or is it pragmatic to just give up the thought of revival and move forward?

Under the Weather

It isn't always a sunny day. The clouds can get too heavy, too. It will cover up the blue sky and eventually, it will pour out rain. You may get caught off guard, but remember that there are people willing to share a space under their umbrella with you.

Thunders may roar, lightnings may strike, still in after every rain, there is a rainbow emerging from the clearing gloomy sky.

Endure, we must, with all the challenges we encounter on a daily basis in this very complicated existence of ours. Patient, we should be, so we can witness the unfolding of a brighter day.

Sure Looks Good to Me

Life is a constant struggle to become better. But in the course, we are met by a lot of obstacles. There are times when we feel like giving up so we weep for every little hurt to melt. Seldom we are really enlightened by the reason why such sad experiences happen. Or is it just because we are blindfolded by the emotion rushing and eating our whole sanity?

You see, there are people who evidently are weak. People who resort into killing their own lives, people who shun from the help of the Higher Being or of the people surrounding them. I, myself, am not that strong but, in all the wrongs (so I think) that has happened in my life, I always believe that there are reasons behind them. I know I am not just speaking for myself here when I say that sometimes we gotta look at the bigger picture to answer our endless why's. Or it can be the other way around.

For the past few weeks, I have been listening to this Alicia Keys song SURE LOOKS GOOD TO ME. This last cut from her As I Am album talks about the positive perception towards the bad things that occur in one's life no matter how painful and inescapable it may get. The inserted video in this post inspired me to write this. Since I heard this song, it has become my own external source of strength as its words are full of encouraging thoughts. This basically speaks about "to never be afraid to fall", as what A. Keys said in the clip. It is inevitable in one's life to experience his lowest moments, but isn't it that these pages in our lives are the same as what make us stronger and better?

The key solution to overcoming depressing lows in our lives is simply to untie the blindfold and face, deal and learn from it. Face it with your head held high. Deal with it with broad understanding. Learn from it so by the time you come across it again, you know what to do. And, I think it's better if you have your own 'somebody' who's there with you no matter what. May it be your family, friends, special someones. Just make sure that there is always someone who looks after you. We will only be accepting the freedom to fall if we are assured that there is someone who is there to catch us.

Caught Up

Believe it or not, it was my first time in Enchanted Kingdom. I have this deep fright in all the rides and stuff in amusement parks rooting from an experience in Star City back when I was a kid that's why it took me this long to finally step inside that kind of place. I was about 7 or 8 then when my uncle, cousins and I went to Star City. Even as a kid, I lack the extreme adventure inclination. When my cousins pushed me and tried the Wild River with them, I was shocked to see that there was no seat-belt or anything that would keep us from our seats. I can't back out then so I rode the log up the rails. The feeling of gravity pulling me, as I try to keep an almost lying position, the moment the log from the highest peak of that ride splashed down almost made me jump. Luckily I didn't. After that, I promised myself not to return on any amusement parks. You might find it shallow but really, the charisma of amusement parks never worked on me.

So, there. My promise to myself was broken. That's the history why I declined all of my friends who invited me over the years to join them in either Star City or Enchanted Kingdom. But last 18th of April, my friends in our nationwide organization invited me and really wouldn't take no for an answer. Until before I get in the car, I'm having second thoughts.

Arrived in Enchanted Kingdom mid-afternoon, we first took the Rio Grande. It wasn't frightening at all. The only thing is, we're SOAKING WET! Then, we tried the Flying Fiesta and joked around that it would dry up our clothes. I was enjoying, surprisingly. Then we went to where the Log Jump is located. This is the same ride I dreaded in Star City. I was really nervous. But then, I made it after some awkward, shy shouts. Then, we rode on to the Anchor's Away which made me scream on top of my lungs. That kind of feeling like your stomach's in your throat and the urge of vomiting really sucked! It was just an urge. Thank God I didn't puke. But before riding, I was in soliloquy. I thought that my life, somehow, is always on a safe track. I thought that I am always on guard with the activities I do. So why not try something extreme and risky? Just a step from riding the big boat, I said to myself, "What the hell?". And so I screamed. I let it all out. I felt good but awkward after the dizzying ride. We took a break for a while since the last ride took almost all our energies. We, then, tried some softcore features of the Enchanted Kingdom with Dodgem and the Ferris Wheel. I deeply appreciated the latter because the lights flickered when we were, I guess 100 feet up the ground. I bailed on the main event of the night, though - SPACE SHUTTLE! I know I can't take that one.

I can say that I've enjoyed my off-guard experience at Enchanted Kingdom, of course, with big credits to the people I was with, Kuya AC, Ate Lucille, Pat and John. Though I don't promise I will come back, at least the memory it left me is something to be cherished.

Pride's Talking

'Why?'

'I just missed you.'

'Uh-huh.'

'Yknow, it's seems like I broke up with my boyfriend.'

'....'

'Whatever happened between us is so childish.'

'I know. That's why I just let it go.'

'You're happy now, aren't you?'

'Yes, I am. You?'

'At last, you asked.'

'...'

She approached me. I may really be so stone-hearted but, I can't let her in again. I can't be a friend anymore now that I'm settled with my new lot. If only she talked to me earlier, we might have revived our friendship. I'm fed up with people telling me I should be the one to make a move coz, in the first place, I wasn't the one who started all of this, I wasn't the one who left. This might be the pride talking but what the hell. Everything I loved about her are the same things I can't stand today. I tried to be civil and all but I just can't pretend that everything's okay. Bitter much, can't help it.